The jeans I own no longer fit. Yup. You heard me. Not the I-ate-a-little-too-much-this-weekend kind of snug. They simply don't fit. What the f**k? As my friend, Brooke, jokingly reminded me, I don't leave a great margin for error in how I wear them, and I won't deny that. But nevertheless, without workouts, I cannot get into any of the pairs in my closet. So I had a choice. I could will them to fit. Ha! I could keep trying them on and feeling badly about myself. I could buy baggy tops to disguise the reality of the moment. Or I could take a deep breath, acknowledge that it feels bad right now that I cannot maintain my figure as I would like until my health allows it, and buy something that fits and so I can feel good getting dressed to walk out into the world. So I had a bit of a whine and pulled the trigger.
Is there a bright side? Well, I didn't die. There is no scarlet A on my chest. I am no longer uncomfortable when I get dressed to go out. Nobody else in the world has any idea which jeans I am wearing anyway. And guess what? They don't care. I still get the same reception from my friends when I arrive at the restaurant. I am learning...slowly.
4 comments:
New or old pants, I'm sure you still look fabulous! And as I think you told me once, "clothes" don't define what's inside us. xoxo Mere
You are so right, Mere. I think the inside is what defines us and what ignites the outer view, if that makes sense. xoxo
The more I read of your posts, the more I think, oh Universe, you really are a bugger, sending us these lessons again and again until we learn. It doesn't make it any easier to be schooled, however, even if it is the awesome goodness of the Universe doing the schooling. Thinking of you, as always.
hey, I am all about being schooled if it gets me to a better, more peaceful place. Love you.
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