Alone

How do you feel when you are alone?  I am of mixed minds.  I really like time alone.  But I want it when I want it (yeah, I know).  There are occasions when, as a single person amidst couples and families, I have alone time when I don't necessarily want it.

I can remember when I was first divorced, I loathed Sundays.  It was the one day everyone else seemed to have plans with their own people.  I would try as I might to plan things, and my friends did the best they could to accommodate me, but in the end, I spent many Sundays alone.  It has always been, at least for me, the day you spend with your partner.  So when there is no partner, it becomes glaringly obvious.

Some of that discomfort with Sundays was because I wasn't particularly ok with my own company.  I found comfort in the presence of others.  I think that was because I wouldn't truly have to sit with my own fears and insecurities.  Now years later, I truly enjoy the time I have on my own and with myself.  And it makes it tolerable to not be with someone just for companionship.  I will be with someone when it is the right thing for me.

Does this ability to enjoy time with ourselves make us better partners, better friends?  Does it make the time we share with others more meaningful?  Valuable?  Interesting for me to ponder.

And make no mistake, alone is cool, but it is always nice to have someone to do nothing with :-)