Lessons in Life, Loss, Love, and Living the Dream by Brett Smith

I asked for contributions from guest authors mostly because I feel the value of this blog is the notion that we are all in this together.  That the journey of life is a shared experience in which we can learn from each other and draw inspiration and strength from each others experiences and stories.  Here is the first.  Enjoy!!

They say it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.  I cannot argue with that.  It is better to have been alive and known the unadulterated love of your parents, then to have never experienced it at all.  Even though now without that love, I feel loss.  For some, many in the world, they never had that to begin with, therefore they do not know.  

Also learned, do not live in fear of what could happen.  Positive Mental Attitude.  If you believe in your actions, then roll with it.  Do not live in fear of what could go wrong.  If you do, you will have many missed opportunities.  I have watched my Father live his entire life in fear, and at times not lived completely due to his fears, and illness.  Only to have his worst fears come true because they were completely out of his control. He lives with much regret daily. I refuse to do the same.  I will not be afraid to jump off a cliff and land two thousand miles across the country.  I will not get lost, I will succeed, I will take the wheel and I will be in control of my life.  The results, the consequence of my actions, will speak for themselves.  The fact that this cliff existed to begin with speaks for me.  When I land, I will roll, I will stand, I will take control of the wheel, dust myself off and continue to kick the world’s ass.  

Why?  Because I have little other in terms of options…  You see, no matter what is happening right in front of you, the world keeps turning.  When everything goes wrong, the world keeps turning.  When you land in a fiery pit of hell on earth, even though you feel it stop…  The fucking world still turns.  It turns with or without you,, so best to get your ass on board when possible.  

Sometimes we are left with no choice but to get off and stop for a while.  Such was the case when my mother fell ill, diagnosed with cancer.  I got on board, learned how the world of Medicine works, and made the decisions to attempt to save her life.  That was the only choice I made, she made, and I was committed to it with every action.  In the end we lost.  I lost my mother.  The world lost a beautiful person.  But we all were given the opportunity to know that person; therefore we are lucky from the start.  Having had such extraordinary parents leaves me better off in the first place than the average person.

I know dedication. I know love, and I know commitment.  I know the consequences of one choice over another.   I have seen it firsthand.  I have seen two people honor the commitments made to one another wholeheartedly, from both ends of the spectrum.  I have seen the easy way, and I have done it the hard way.  Next time?  Do it the educated way!  That’s most likely somewhere in between the easy and hard way, depending on the situation.  But do not be afraid.

As I sit here this very moment, I just received a text from my father.  He asks me for my new address so that when he dies, the crematory knows where to send the ashes.  I think to myself, how fucked up is this situation?  We know what’s coming, we have sat and discussed it to an extent, a further extent than I ever wished, but such is life.  Here we are, here we go, on the journey they started many years ago.  The world keeps turning, whether or not I decide to jump on board and make it to San Diego.  Got to go somewhere, right?  So why the fuck not eh?  After all San Diego is pretty awesome.  I could have easily made up several reasons why NOT to go, my Dad being one of them.  But we refuse to let that be an excuse.  I guess the lesson earlier was do NOT live in fear of that which you CANNOT control.  

Take the world by storm, make the fucking storm.  But do not be afraid of what’s coming, because it will come no matter what.  Best to be on board, and roll with the punches, then to get smacked off.  I cannot control when and how he passes, even if I stay with him.  It will not be easy for either of us, but I will not be held at a standstill in fear of what’s to come.  I will hurt just as much when the time comes, but I will not stop it from happening.  The world will not stop, so how could I?  If I stop, it will hurt even more.  Best not to carry the weight…

Best to live life fully, even to be a bit extreme at times.  Go the distance, love deeply, and laugh hard, enjoy every moment!.  Toss in a few cliffs for good measure, maybe even a few mistakes.  Shit happens, lesson learned!!.  Live a life that was worth living, not a life in fear of what’s to come.  Create the future, instead of watching it pass you by.   Control what you can, but let the rest go as it may.  Sometimes a piece will hit you in the face, that’s just how it goes, that’s what helmets are for!  Life happens, with or without you.  So best to let it be with you and to have enjoyed it.  

I have at times overheard people remark “I don’t know how you do it…” commenting on how I have dealt with the situations at hand.  The truth is sometimes I don’t know how either, sometimes it’s rough, sometimes you get caught in the trough, sometimes things don’t go as planned.  As a matter of fact this life has not gone as planned.  But the world keeps turning.  I deal with it however I do at the moment because I have no choice.  It is what it is, there ain’t no stopping it.  Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I run, and sometimes I hide.  But whatever I do, I am always moving forward, not back. 

I guess that’s how I deal with it, because I have no choice in the matter.  Life is coming, with the full weight of the real world, whether or not you like it.  Am I too young for this shit?  YES!  Are they too young for this?  YES!  Should we not be going through this right now? Absolutely! But we are.  So there is no choice in that matter.  Life is what you make it.  So make it fucking awesome!  Make a fucking adventure of mass proportion and kick the world’s ass.  Don’t be a prisoner to the world, don’t be a victim of circumstance.  Fill the void however you may, keep it full, and keep moving forward.  

Question that which you know, and that which you don’t know, reach for the fucking stars.  If they tell you it’s impossible, that means you need to find a way to make it happen!!  Accept the challenge, throw it in their face, and keep going.  Be the best, and come out on top.  Make sure they know how good you are, boast but do not brag.  Challenge yourself, and accept the challenges they throw at you.  Call bullshit when you know it is.  Show them what’s really possible.  Anything is possible if you try…  

Lazy is never a good excuse.  Fuck being lazy, sleep when you’re dead.  It could be tomorrow, it could be in thirty or forty plus more years!  The wicked don’t rest, the wicked leave a lasting impression on the world!.  Be inspired! Be the fucking inspiration!  Use every ounce of energy for that which you are passionate about, and do not waste your energy on things that do not matter, or are out of your control. Control all that you can, and deal with the rest to the best of your ability.